What's Your Face Say

There is a nice little quote in a John Maxwell book that I am currently reading that states "If your face is going to "talk" for you anyway, you might as well have it communicate something positive"

Interesting indeed.  I have to tell you, I tend to be the stoic person in most cases prior to my current path.  I didn't joke around to often, and I believe that often the message I was conveying was not the message that I was intending to convey.  This may make sense to those of you that can relate to me. 

I can remember times where I would be at a party, a bar, any kind of social setting, and I have never been an outgoing gregarious kind of light the room up kind of person, so I would tend to blend in with the walls. 

However, in most circumstances, I would be thinking, someone will come talk to me, I'm over here, alone, someone else has to be bored out of their mind, yet in most cases it did not happen.

Obviously, there are so many layers why that happens, but for today, I will focus on one simple fact.  My face was telling everyone to stay away.  I avoided eye contact (self confidence), did not smile for the longest time, oh, and as you might have guessed by the name of my blog, I can be a bit scary at times.  So, while inside my head, I as saying, come over and chat, my face, my body, everything else (the only thing I was communicating with) was saying, stay away or I might eat your children.  That last part is a joke of course.

Back on track though.  In situations where feelings and attitudes are being conveyed (From UCLA psychology professor emeritus Albert Mehrabian) Dr. Mehrabian found the following:

What we say accounts for only 7 percent of what is believed
The way we say it accounts for 38 percent
What others see accounts for 55 percent. 

That is to say, that in many situations, what we say has less than 10% to do with the impression that we leave upon people. 

Bottom line, if the words, feelings, expressions, and body language do not fall into alignment, you can bet that the people that you are attempting to influence are not buying what you are throwing down.  Connecting is one of the most important aspects of any business relationship.  So much in fact, that I believe in order for trust to be established, which is truly the foundation of leadership, the ability to connect must happen first.  Every contact is the chance to connect and as a result, I believe, as I am, if connecting is a weak point, it gets to be a priority in terms of self and personal growth.